8 Steps to Learn Conversational Japanese

I had committed another social mistake. I used an expression that was overly formal, creating a sense of distance between my friend and me.

Learners of Japanese might accidentally make similar errors, but this shouldn't discourage you from engaging in conversation. By following the steps below, you can navigate discussions more smoothly and avoid awkwardness by learning how to communicate, listen, and reply in a natural manner.

1. Drop Pronouns or Subjects if It’s Clear Who or What You’re Referring To

English relies heavily on pronouns. You'll find I, me, you, their, and similar terms frequently in sentences.

Japanese operates differently: often, pronouns are left out completely when the subject is obvious. This means if it's clear you're talking about yourself or the listener, omitting words like "I" or "you" sounds more natural.

眠い！ (ねむい！) I’m sleepy! (Literally: Sleepy!)

お腹が空いたよ！お昼にしようね。 （おなかが すいたよ！おひるに しようね。） I’m so hungry! Let’s have lunch. (Literally: Stomach is empty! Do lunch, okay?)

お店に行くの？コーヒー買って来てくれない？ （おみせに いくの？こーひー かってきてくれない？） Are you going to the store? Can you get me a coffee? (Literally: Store going to? Can please buy coffee for me?)

Notice the absence of pronouns like 私 (わたし or “I, me”) in the examples. When no subject is mentioned from the start, the speaker is typically referring to themselves or a group they belong to.

Additionally, when someone makes a straightforward statement without a rising intonation for a question, you can usually assume they're talking about themselves.

2. Use Subjects if Talking About Them for the First Time or They’re Unclear

While minimizing the use of pronouns and subjects helps you sound more natural, there will be moments when you're unsure who or what is being discussed.

This occurs frequently in conversation, so don't hesitate to ask for clarification:

A: 朝ご飯を食べましたか？ （あさごはんをたべましたか？) A: Did (you) eat breakfast? B: 私ですか？ （わたしですか？) B: Me? A: ええ。 A: Yeah.

A: 厳し過ぎるよ。 （きびしすぎるよ。) A: He/She’s) too strict. B: 先生のこと？ （せんせいのこと？) B: You mean (our) teacher? A: ううん、校長。 （ううん、こうちょう。) A: No, the principal.

Omitting the subject when referring to someone else can make it seem like you're talking about yourself. You might intend to say "you're hungry" but instead say "I'm hungry."

When making a simple statement rather than a question, using a subject helps prevent confusion.

は and が

Another method to follow the conversation topic is to pay attention to は and が. These Japanese particles mark the topic of discussion. Everything said afterward relates to it until a new topic is introduced with は or が.

For instance, if you have a bowl of mixed fruits and want to identify the apple, you could pick it up and say:

これは林檎です。 (これはりんごです。） This is an apple.

The conversation might then continue with sentences such as:

あ、(林檎は)赤過ぎる！ （あ、（りんごは）あかすぎる！） Ah, (the apple is) so red!

As shown, there's no need to repeat the subject (the apple) since it's already the clear topic. If the subject changes, you'll need to use は or が again.

そして、これは桃です。 （そして、これはももです。） Likewise, this one is a peach.

3. Use “Giving” Verbs

Fortunately for English speakers, who are accustomed to explicitly stating subjects, there are grammatical markers that can indicate the subject indirectly. These are "giving verbs"—verbs added to the end of a sentence to show that something is being given.

あげる

This means "to give," and it's useful for clarifying the subject and the direction of the action. あげる indicates giving something from the speaker to another person.

You would use this form when giving a gift to someone. Essentially, when you attach あげる to a verb, it implies that you—the speaker—are performing the action. It subtly adds an invisible subject to the sentence, effectively saying "I."

お金をあげる。 （おかねをあげる。） I’ll give (someone) money.

プレゼントをあげました。 （ぷれせんとをあげました。） I gave (someone) a present.

When attached to the end of a verb in the て form, あげる means doing something for someone, not necessarily giving a physical item.

電話してあげる。 （でんわしてあげる。） I’ll call you.

次のビールを奢ってあげる。 （つぎのびーるをおごってあげる。） I’ll buy you the next beer.

くれる

This is another common "giving" verb that indicates the opposite direction of あげる. Using くれる means someone is giving something to you, the speaker.

For example:

おもちゃをくれた。 (Someone) gave me a toy.

Similar to あげる, you can attach くれる to the -て form of a verb to indicate that someone is doing something for you:

助けてくれてありがとう。 （たすけてくれてありがとう。） Thank you for helping me.

This makes the other person the subject of the sentence, while you are the recipient of the action. Japanese speakers use あげる and くれる at the end of sentences to show who is doing what for whom.

明日、東京スカイツリーに連れて行ってくれる。 （あした、とうきょうすかいつりーにつれていってくれる。） Tomorrow, (he’s/she’s/you’re/they’re) taking me to Tokyo Sky Tree.

貰う (もらう)

Like くれる, this verb indicates something being given to the speaker. It carries the nuance of having something done for you.

（私は）彼女にプレゼントをもらいました。 （（わたしは）かのじょにぷれぜんとをもらいました。） (I) received a gift from her. (Literally: I from her present received.)

The sentence structure for もらう might seem complex at first glance, but it still follows the "subject + object + verb" order: 彼女 (かのじょ or "her") is the subject, プレゼント (ぷれぜんと or "present") is the object, and もらいました (もらいました or past form of もらう) is the verb.

So, if it's understood that you're the receiver, you can omit 私は (わたしは) and interpret the sentence as "She gave me a present."

Also, like other giving verbs, もらう has a -て form. Saying – てもらう means you're having someone do something for you.

お姉さんに来てもらう。 （おねーさんにきてもらう。） (I will) get my (older) sister to come.

頂く (いただく)

いただく is essentially the more polite version of くれる and もらう. It's often used in 敬語 (けいご), the very polite register of Japanese for customer service or other formal situations.

ご住所をいただけますか？ （ごじゅうしょをいただけますか？） May I please have your address?

やる

This is used to indicate giving away from the speaker, similar to あげる, but implies giving to someone of a lower status. It's used for children, people in a lower social position, and animals.

（私は）猫に餌をやります。 （（わたしは）ねこにえさをやります。） The cat received food (from me).

Again, in Japanese, it's best to use subjects sparingly. Try to only use them when absolutely necessary. Use voice inflection, giving verbs, and other methods to imply who you're talking about without directly stating it.

If you want to learn more about useful Japanese verbs, check out this post!

4. Equip Yourself for Introductions

Consider the first things you say when meeting someone new. Translate those into Japanese, and you have a great way to start a conversation.

You're sharing a bit about yourself, and because you're familiar with the structure of these introductory phrases, you'll be prepared to hear and understand what the other person shares about themselves! Here's a basic introductory toolkit:

初めまして！ (はじめまして！) Literally, "we're meeting for the first time," but essentially means "Nice to meet you!"

私は______です (わたしは ____ です ) "I’m…/My name is…" can be useful if you haven't exchanged names yet.

今、______に住んでいます (いま、_____ にすんでいます) "I live in …/I’m currently living in…"

趣味は、ギターと海外旅行です (しゅみは、ぎたーと かいがいりょこう です) "My hobbies are playing guitar and traveling abroad."

私は大学生です ／ エンジニアです (わたしは だいがくせいです／えんじにあです) "I am a university student/an engineer." You might want to look up how to say your job in Japanese beforehand to have another topic ready.

よろしくお願いします！ (よろしくおねがいします！) "Thank you!"/"Very nice to meet you!" Literally, "please treat me well," this is one of the most important standard greeting phrases in Japanese.

This last phrase is an excellent way to conclude your introduction. It essentially means you're entrusting yourselves to each other for your language learning journey. It's a phrase used at the start of any mutually beneficial relationship.

If the other person says it first, you can simply repeat it back to them. There's a great explanation of this and other conversational phrases in this post.

You can say these phrases all at once, but to avoid sounding robotic, you could break them up during a natural question-and-answer exchange, while still being ready to use them confidently. Cultural tip: you might find many people sharing their age immediately, as this is common in Japan, but don't feel obligated to do the same if you're uncomfortable!

5. Interrupt Everyone

Another way to sound more natural in conversation is to disregard what you've been taught about interruptions being rude.

Interjecting with an "Uh-huh" or an astonished "No way!" shows that you're paying attention and are interested in what the other person is saying—even if they're describing an episode of Sailor Moon in detail. Again.

A typical conversation might go like this:

A: イタリアンレストランで食事をしてから。 (いたりあんれすとらんでしょくじをしてから。) A: We had dinner at an Italian restaurant. B: うん。 B: Uh-huh. A: 映画を見たの。いい人だから。 （えいがをみたの。いいひとだから。) A: Then, we watched a movie. He’s a nice guy. B: うん。 B: Uh-huh. A: 日曜日にコーヒーでも飲みに行かないって誘ったの。 （にちようびに こーひーでも のみにいかないって さそったの。) A: So I invited him for coffee on Sunday. B: いいね。 B: Sounds great.

You get the idea.

This "art of interruption" is called 相槌 (あいづち – giving responses). If you don't use aizuchi during a conversation, the other person might think you're not interested in what they're saying.

If you often get asked, "Are you listening to me?" (despite your polite nods and eye contact), try using aizuchi. Mastering aizuchi will lead to smoother, more fluent-sounding conversations!

Here are some more quick, aizuchi-like interjections you can use.

いいね

On Facebook, いいね means "like!" Depending on your tone, pronunciation, and the context, いいね can have various meanings.

Said with enthusiasm and cheer, いいね means "That's great!" If you sigh it, the meaning shifts to "It must be great…"

A: 彼が「また、電話してもいい？」って言ったの。 （かれが「また、でんわしてもいい？」っていったの。) A: He said, "Can I call you again?" B: いいね！ B: That’s great!

A: さとみちゃんは私の携帯を借りておきながら、家に忘れて来ちゃったのよ！おまけに… （さとみちゃんは わたしのけいたいをかりておきながら、いえにわすれてきちゃったのよ！おまけに…) A: Satomi borrowed my cell phone and then left it at home! On top of that… B: いいねぇ… B: That’s nice…

A: 彼女、また海外に行ってるの？この間ヨーロッパへ行ったばかりじゃない。（かのじょ、またかいがいに いってるの？このあいだ よーろっぱへ いったばかりじゃない。) A: She’s traveling overseas again? She just got back from Europe, didn’t she? B: うん。いいねぇ… B: Yeah. It must be nice (to be her).

でしょう and だよね

でしょう and だよね are ways to express agreement. They're similar to saying "I know, right?" or "Isn't it?" A more masculine form of でしょう is だろう.

A: 映画は本当に感動的だった。 （えいがは ほんとうに かんどうてきだった。) A: That film was really moving. B: でしょう！私もそう思う。 （でしょう！わたしも そうおもう。) B: Wasn’t it? I think so too!）

A: これはなかなかいい曲だよね。 （これは なかなか いいきょくだよね。) A: This is a pretty good song, isn’t it? B: だよね！ B: Heck yeah, it is!

あのね

あのね is a way to begin a sentence. It's similar to the English phrase "You know." Depending on your tone, あのね can serve as a gentle reminder or an afterthought: "You know, now that I think about it, he was kind of rude." Or, if you're getting annoyed, "You know — you're way too ungrateful!"

あのね、ゆうきさんって かわいくない？ Say, don’t you think Yuuki is cute?

あのねぇ、結構大変だよ。 （あのねぇ、けっこう たいへんだよ。） I’m telling you, it’s not that easy.

あのね、このケーキ試してみて。 （あのね、このけーき ためしてみて。） Hey, try this cake.

あのね…金のアイフォンを買いたかったんだけどね．．． （あのね…きんのあいふぉんをかいたかったんだけどね．．．） You know… I wanted to buy the gold iPhone…

気の毒 （きのどく）

気の毒 (きのどく) means "that's a pity."

Just like in English, this phrase can have different connotations based on your tone. "What a pity," "That's too bad," and "What a shame" can all sound empathetic with a sincere tone, but can also be used sarcastically or with little sympathy—just like 気の毒 in Japanese.

気の毒ですね。 （きのどくですね。） That’s a pity.

それは本当に気の毒ですよ。 （それはほんとうに きのどくですよ。） I’m really sorry to hear that.

You can also use 気の毒 informally to say "Too bad," or "Tough luck."

A: 携帯がトイレに落ちた！ （けいたいが といれに おちた！) A: My phone fell into the toilet! B: はっ！お気の毒にね！ （はっ！おきのどくにね！) B: Ha! Sucks to be you!

信じられない （しんじられない）

信じられない (しんじられない or "Unbelievable!") expresses that something is beyond belief or comprehension. You can use it to show astonishment, like exclaiming "Oh my gosh!" or to say something is too unbelievable to be true.

そんなの信じられない！ （そんなの しんじられない！） No way / Get out!

しん君から今聞いたこと、信じられないんだけど！ （しんくんから いま きいたこと、しんじられないんだけど！） You won’t believe what Shin just told me!

信じられないよ！君は私にダイエットしろって言ったのに、それが今じゃ自分はガンガン食べるってわけか！ （しんじられないよ！きみはわたしに だいえっとしろっていったのに、それがいまじゃ じぶんは がんがん たべるってわけか！） I can’t believe you! You told me to diet, and now you’re the one pigging out?

Using these interjections will automatically make your speech sound smoother and more natural in conversation.

6. Keep it Casual with Conversational Sentence Patterns

So far, we've covered what to avoid in conversation (overusing pronouns and being a passive listener). Now it's time to stop sounding like a textbook and start using real Japanese sentences and expressions.

Use the Backwards Sentence

Many Japanese textbooks introduce the basic sentence pattern of "subject + object + verb" to form sentences like 私はコーヒーを飲みました。 （わたしはこーひーをのみました。 – "I drank coffee").

This structure is useful and exists in conversational Japanese, but it's less common in informal settings. Many conversational sentences appear "backwards" compared to the "subject + object + verb" pattern. So instead of これは何ですか？ （これはなんですか？ – "(literally) This is what?"), you're more likely to hear a friend say 何これ？ （なにこれ？ – "What's this?")

This sentence structure is particularly handy in two situations:

1. To clarify a sentence or add an afterthought (which is very helpful when subjects and pronouns are dropped):

行ったこと [が] ありますか？パリに。 （いったこと [が] ありますか？ぱりに。) Have you been before? To Paris.

2. To combine two sentences:

それは何？ （それはなに？ – "That is what?") becomes 何それ？ （なにそれ？ – "What's that?").

Replace Words with Onomatopoeia

If you take away one thing from this post, let it be the importance of onomatopoeia! Japanese onomatopoeia are a secret weapon for sounding like a native speaker in conversation.

Onomatopoeia are words that represent sounds (like "tweet tweet" for a bird chirping). Not only are they used to replace adjectives and emphasize verbs in daily conversation, but they're also very easy to remember.

Even if you don't use them, you should know some common onomatopoeia like ぺこぺこ (the sound of your stomach growling), わくわく (the sound of being excited), and ニコニコ (にこにこ or the imagined sound of someone smiling broadly).

A friend or family member is likely to say お腹がぺこぺこ (おなかがぺこぺこ or "My stomach's growling") instead of お腹が空いた ( おなかがすいた or "I'm hungry").

Omit Sounds

In every language, we tend to slur or shorten sounds in conversation. In Japanese, the "r" sound (ら、り、る、れ、ろ）often gets reduced to the ん sound. You've probably heard this in dramas, movies, and podcasts.

An example is when 分からない (わか ら ない or "I don't know") changes into 分かんない (わか ん ない):

何のことだかさっぱりわかんないよ。 （なんのことだか さっぱりわかんないよ。） I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Another common example is して る (doing), which becomes して ん:

何してんの？ （なにしてんの？） What are you up to?

まだ勉強してんの？ （まだ べんきょうしてんの？） Are you still studying?

Think of this like abbreviating "going to" and "want to" into "gonna" and "wanna." It's best not to use this pattern in formal contexts, but it's useful to know—especially if you need to look up a word or phrase in a dictionary.

7. Speak Like a Girl or Guy

As you learn conversational Japanese, you'll notice that men and women often use different speech patterns.

Depending on the context, female speakers might use a polite form of a word (even casually), while male speakers tend to use plain forms more often. Sentence-ending particles also differ between genders.

You don't have to be a specific gender to use feminine or masculine speech styles. However, it's important to recognize these differences as they will help you better understand your friends and notice nuances in your own speech.

でしょう vs. だろう

Here, でしょう and だろう are both used when making an assumption.

If you want to say "Hiro's room is probably messy":

ひろくんの部屋は汚いでしょう 。（ひろくんのへやは きたないでしょう。） (female) ひろくんの部屋は汚いだろう。 （ひろくんのへやは きたないだろう。） (male)

If it's "I heard Yuki’s sick, so she probably won’t come tonight":

ゆきちゃんは風邪引いたそうで、今夜来ないでしょう。 （ゆきちゃんは かぜ ひいたそうで、こんや こないでしょう。） (female) ゆきちゃんは体調悪いそうで、今夜来ないだろう 。（ゆきちゃんは たいちょう わるいそうで、こんや こないだろう。） (male)

As seen earlier, you can also use でしょう and だろう to show agreement:

A: このケーキは美味しいよ！ （このけーきはおいしいよ！) A: This cake is delicious!） (female) B: でしょう？ B: Isn’t it?

A: 美味い、このケーキ！ （うまい、このけーき！) A: This cake is delicious! (male) B: だろう？ B: I know, right?

Since でしょう sounds more formal, it's considered more feminine in casual conversation. In formal situations, however, it's gender-neutral and can replace でしょうか:

この色はいかがでしょうか？ （このいろは いかがでしょうか？） How about this color?

三時でどうでしょうか？ （さんじで どうでしょうか？） How does three o’clock sound?

ね vs. な

The particles ね and its masculine counterpart な serve many purposes. Their main uses are to seek agreement from the listener (as in "Right?" or "Isn't it?"), to soften a statement or request, or to get someone's attention (like "Hey!").

The particle ね can be used by both genders. It has a gentle quality, which can make your speech sound softer. In fact, it can sometimes sound more feminine. Among friends, guys might use な and だろう instead of ね.

If you're asking for a favor or making a request, feel free to use ね:

ここで待っててね。 （ここで まっててね。） Please wait here.

トムくんによろしくね。 （とむくんに よろしくね。） Say hello to Tom for me.

If you want to say "It's hot today, isn't it," you can say:

今日は暑いね。 （きょうはあついね。） (female/male) 今日、暑いな。 （きょう、あついな。） (male) 今日、暑いだろう。 （きょう、あついだろう。） (male)

If you want to express agreement or say "That's right!" these expressions work well:

そうだね！ (female/male) そうだな！ (male)

The " の " misconception

The particle の has many uses. Besides being a possessive particle, の can be placed at the end of a sentence to form a question or provide an explanation.

It's a common misconception that ending a sentence with の sounds feminine. It can at times, but men use this structure frequently enough! The particle の is gender-neutral when asking a question and expecting an explanation.

For example:

A: 買うの？それ。 （かうの？それ。） A: You’re buying that? B: かわいいでしょう？ B: It’s cute, isn’t it? (I’m buying it because it’s cute.)

A: 食べるの？ （たべるの？） A: You’re eating? B: 朝ご飯を食べなかったの。 （あさごはんを たべなかったの。) B: I didn’t have breakfast. (I’m eating because I didn’t have breakfast,)

The particle の sounds more feminine when used to ask/answer questions that don't require an explanation, or when making a statement:

このかばんは高かったの。 （このかばんは たっかたの。) (female) This purse was expensive.

It can also sound feminine when combined with other sentence-ending particles:

彼は悔しいのね？ （かれは くやしいのね。） (female) He’s pretty annoying, isn’t he?

そうなのよ！ (female) You said it!

8. Learn to Embrace Slang

Personally, I tend to avoid the term "slang." I hear "slang" and think of "street terms" or "language I should only use with very close friends."

Unfortunately, avoiding this aspect of speech can be counterproductive if you're trying to build close friendships. Using formal language can create a sense of distance with close colleagues, friends, and even host families. If someone is trying to have a friendly or intimate conversation with you, responding formally can come across as impersonal.

Consider these two sample dialogues:

A: Hey, what’s up? B: I’m very well, thank you. And yourself?

vs.

A: Hey, what’s up? B: Nothing much. You?

It's the same in emails or text messages. Which message would you expect from a friend:

Would you like to get lunch with me at noon?

vs.

Wanna grab a bite later?

Which conversation sounds more friendly and intimate? In other words, which speaker sounds more fluent?

Of course, the more we hear these conversational tricks and colloquialisms, the easier it becomes to use them in our own speech. Native content is crucial, especially subtitled Japanese movies and variety shows, as the text makes it easier to identify these speech patterns.

Remember: your friends, family, and that vendor down the street will all forgive you if you make a few mistakes during a conversation. The most important thing is to talk, keep talking, and talk some more!

習うより慣れろだよ。 (ならうより なれろ だよ。) Practice is the best teacher!